"Closure" Lets be sensible here!

The concept of closure seems to pop into my sphere from time to time. I think it is because I am a girl and closure tends to be a bit of a girlish concept, not entirely, but generally. The first time I heard the word was in the context of the end of a relationship and since then, I have heard it used mainly for this purpose. My understanding of closure is that it is a state we reach when we have all the questions answered, (Was it something I did? Is there someone else? Why are you doing this to me? You know the drill) then when we have these answers, we move on, we 'close the book' so to speak, on that relationship or ordeal. We have achieved 'closure'. Ahhhh, does it feel good?

The funny thing about this process however, is that it tends to prolong the 'open-ness' of the emotional wound, which in my opinion, completely defeats the purpose of closure. I know this, because I tried to get closure from someone once and I have had someone try and get closure from me. The dialogue goes something like this:

Dumper: This isn't working for me, I think we should break up.
Dumpee: Oh my God! You're dumping me! Oh! Oh! (cry cry cry)
Dialogue continues, dumper awkwardly trying to comfort dumpee without initiating intimate contact etc etc.

2 Days later, a phone call
Ring ring
Dumpee: It's me. Can you please meet me for a coffee? We need to talk.
Dumper: Look Dumpee, there is nothing more to say. It just isn't working. I can't tell you any more than I already have! It's not you, it's me. I am just in an awkward place right now.
Dumpee: Please! Please, I just need......closure.

Ok, so I don't think I need to go into the dialogue that happens over coffee. It is exactly the same as what happened over the phone. The dumper is in an awkward place, it's not you, it's me. Now at the end of this coffee, Dumpee has just spent an hour looking at the person that they have not had any time to get over. They have effectively rubbed salt on their own emotional wound. The wound is now hanging open to further infection. They have done the opposite of closure. They have had.....opensure!!!! (work with me here, the word just might catch on!)

So the solution? I dunno, I am no psychotherapist, but I suppose it is important to see these kinds of setbacks as part of our personal growth. We are the sum of our experiences and having these wounds and allowing them to heal (without picking at them) is part of life. Going back for that ill fated coffee, sending that email or text message is only going to make the hurt come back and prolong the experience! Closure, if it exists, needs to be something we achieve on our own, in our own time. Don't drag your ex into it, no matter how much of an ass he/she has been. Truth be known, they are probably searching for the elusive state of closure themselves!!!

Follow up on "Freedom of Speech vs Antagonism"

Ok, I may have spoken a little too soon on the subject of the group passing out condoms to the pilgrims here for World Youth Day. I did some more research on the subject (yes, I should have done that before mouthing off yesterday) and discovered that it was a group called the "No to Pope Coalition". From what I understand, they are a group who are pro- same sex relationships which is why they are anti-Pope, given that the Pope isn't overly partial to such things. Ok, so I can now sort of appreciate where they are coming from with the protest. I would love to see more religious groups be more open and affirming towards same sex couples. I think to exclude them flys in the face of Christian philosophy.

HOWEVER! Having said all this stuff, I still stand by my notion of differentiating between free speech and outright sh*t-stirring. I heard a bit of media of one of the no-Pope Coalition spokespeople say, in response to their actions being deemed 'offensive to Catholic people' . "Well I am offended by the Pope's visit!" My advice to her would be, if you are offended or disinterested in it, turn around, and walk away. I am offended by Shannon Noll visiting Adelaide, so I don't go to his gigs! Simple as that! At the same time, I understand that Shannon Noll brings a lot of joy to some peoples lives (Ok, it hurt me to type that!) so I don't protest his being here. In the same way, faith brings a lot of joy and meaning to many peoples life, so just leave it be!

Freedom of Speech vs Antagonism

free speech n. The right to express any opinion in public without censorship or restraint by the government.

antagonism n. an active hostility or opposition, as between unfriendly or conflicting groups

I've been provoked by various snippets of news that I have heard on Hack (5:30pm on Triple J) this week concerning World Youth Day. Apparently, there is a group of people who want to go to some of the events and hand out condoms to the young Catholics. Some 'anti-annoyance' laws have been put in place to prevent this from occurring, but now the "franga wielding folk" are a bit put out because they think it is effecting their freedom of speech.
I am all for freedom of speech, but I am against antagonism (except when I was a teenager and I had an older brother, but that was more about survival than anything). In this instance of giving condoms to a group of people who do not believe in contraception, I think this crosses over into antagonism. I have never had a Catholic tell me that I shouldn't use contraception and from what I understand, it isn't something they really push on other people, so why bother them with your latex love gloves? They don't want them!
My mother gave me a little pearl of wisdom when she overheard me bitching about someone when I was about 12. She said, "Annie, before you say things like that, ask yourself; Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?"
Obviously the 'is it true' part can't really apply in this particular circumstance and 'is it kind', well, that is fairly obsolete as well, but is it necessary to give condoms to Catholics? NO! It's not! So why do it? It is purely for shock value and reaction and to make yourself feel like you are clever and you're teaching these naive young religious folk something they don't already know! If they want them, they can go to the supermarket or pharmacy of their own free will and buy them. They know what they are, they know where to find them. Get over yourself and put your free speech rights into something more worthwhile like http://www.amnesty.org.au Amnesty International is a Human Rights organisation that promotes action through letter writing to people who have a power to make a difference. This is worthwhile! This is kind AND necessary!
PS. I am not being paid by Amnesty, it's just something I believe in! :-)

Like, um yeah.......n stuff

I was on the train the other day and I was distracted from my book by a conversation between to uniform clad school kids. It started out with the girl asking the boy if he 'said anything about it to him'. His response went something like this "Yeah, like, I said,'you know that blond girl from the bus stop, yeah well, she likes you' and like he just, like kind of didn't say anything."

Later, I heard her talking about a book she had read. I like books, so I tuned my radar ears in again to see if I could find out what book it was and if it sounded like a worthwhile pursuit. The plot went something like this:

"It's like, set in the war, or something like that. And, like there's this guy and he's like, fighting in the war, no, um, yeah, oh, I dunno. And like, theres this like, girl and she's like....yeah. And like, they like meet and they like fall in love and stuff and then this thing happens that's like, um, yeah, aha! I dunno."

So if anyone can identify this book by the eloquent plot summary given by this articulate young scholar, please let me know, I'd be like, um SOOOO keen to, like read it!