"Closure" Lets be sensible here!

The concept of closure seems to pop into my sphere from time to time. I think it is because I am a girl and closure tends to be a bit of a girlish concept, not entirely, but generally. The first time I heard the word was in the context of the end of a relationship and since then, I have heard it used mainly for this purpose. My understanding of closure is that it is a state we reach when we have all the questions answered, (Was it something I did? Is there someone else? Why are you doing this to me? You know the drill) then when we have these answers, we move on, we 'close the book' so to speak, on that relationship or ordeal. We have achieved 'closure'. Ahhhh, does it feel good?

The funny thing about this process however, is that it tends to prolong the 'open-ness' of the emotional wound, which in my opinion, completely defeats the purpose of closure. I know this, because I tried to get closure from someone once and I have had someone try and get closure from me. The dialogue goes something like this:

Dumper: This isn't working for me, I think we should break up.
Dumpee: Oh my God! You're dumping me! Oh! Oh! (cry cry cry)
Dialogue continues, dumper awkwardly trying to comfort dumpee without initiating intimate contact etc etc.

2 Days later, a phone call
Ring ring
Dumpee: It's me. Can you please meet me for a coffee? We need to talk.
Dumper: Look Dumpee, there is nothing more to say. It just isn't working. I can't tell you any more than I already have! It's not you, it's me. I am just in an awkward place right now.
Dumpee: Please! Please, I just need......closure.

Ok, so I don't think I need to go into the dialogue that happens over coffee. It is exactly the same as what happened over the phone. The dumper is in an awkward place, it's not you, it's me. Now at the end of this coffee, Dumpee has just spent an hour looking at the person that they have not had any time to get over. They have effectively rubbed salt on their own emotional wound. The wound is now hanging open to further infection. They have done the opposite of closure. They have had.....opensure!!!! (work with me here, the word just might catch on!)

So the solution? I dunno, I am no psychotherapist, but I suppose it is important to see these kinds of setbacks as part of our personal growth. We are the sum of our experiences and having these wounds and allowing them to heal (without picking at them) is part of life. Going back for that ill fated coffee, sending that email or text message is only going to make the hurt come back and prolong the experience! Closure, if it exists, needs to be something we achieve on our own, in our own time. Don't drag your ex into it, no matter how much of an ass he/she has been. Truth be known, they are probably searching for the elusive state of closure themselves!!!